What Not to Say to A Cancer Patient, Part Two

August 17

You know that old saying about not judging someone until you've walked a mile in his/her shoes?  Well, the same thing goes for being a breast cancer patient.  Before my diagnosis, I had NO idea what was about to happen to me.  NO. IDEA.  

Now, almost three months later, after surgery, tests, tests, and more tests, and one round of chemo, I am just now beginning to understand what it's like to be a breast cancer patient.  I've learned an incredible amount about the human soul, the human will to live, the human need for touch and support, and basically, the humanity of the human spirit.

Here are a few more ideas of what NOT to say to a cancer patient:
"Let me know if I can do anything."
"Call me if you need me."
"I'm here if you need me.  Just call."
"How are you doing, you poor thing?" (in a pitiful voice)
"Have you thrown up yet?" (yes, someone actually asked me that.)

Here's an idea of something you can do:

I've received lots of cards (some shown here) and it always touches me that someone would take the time to find the card, sign it, put a stamp on it and mail it.  Such sweetness.

Or how about this:

Just drop off a vanilla cupcake.  During chemo plain tastes better than spicy.  This cupcake was very soothing.  Yum!

This came one day early on and it was such a comforting gesture.

I had a friend send three dinners and a piece of coconut cream pie from a local kitchen that makes special take-out and has some specific meals for chemo patients.  The food was absolutely delicious and probably kept me from getting sicker.

I think the most important thing is to DO something.  Anything.  I don't think most chemo patients would take you up on your offer to call you if there's anything you can do.  Nope. We're fighting a battle here.  We're worried, tired, sometimes sick, dealing with all kinds of side effects of the chemo.  If you want to do something for a cancer patient, remember that the operative word is DO.