POWERLESS

June 27

OH, YES I AM!!  (Keep Reading)

The blessings I've received so far on this journey are simply unbelievable. Today, I met my oncologist for the first time.  Blessing One:  My sister and son, Ryan, went with me.  Blessing Two:  Dr. G rocks!!  Three fabulous doctors for one disease.  I'm in awe and so, so grateful.

There was bad news today, but I was ready because I'd already done my research and read my path reports.  I knew that I was her2 neu positive AND estrogen receptor positive.  I also knew that the Ki-67 gene was highly positive.  My path reports hadn't been pretty, but still, I wasn't sure if these genes were bad enough for chemo.

Dr. G gave me the good news and the bad news about my reports. On the good side: My tumor was a little less than 1cm (very small), there was no lymph node involvement, and I was estrogen positive.  Hormone positive is very receptive to treatment, so that's why it's good.

On the bad side:  My cancer was a Grade 3, meaning it was more aggressive; it was very fast-growing, and my Her2 neu was positive.  Ugh. This part scared me a lot.  Dr. G said there would be a tie-breaker to determine if I'd have chemo or not.  The tie-breaker would be another test: the Oncotype test done at a lab in California, the only lab in the US that performs this specific test.  It would take two weeks at least to get it back and it would rate my cure/recurrence rate.  Ok.  I was fine with that EXCEPT I had to wait another two weeks at least before I knew my treatment plan.
Here's a site that explains the oncotype test.

This is when I knew for a fact that I had no control.  I would be waiting again and I was POWERLESS. I'm a control freak ... just ask my children!! No control?  Two things I don't do well: waiting AND having to admit that I'm POWERLESS.  The next two weeks were not pretty for me.

Piece of Cake!!

June 22

My surgery was a piece of cake.  Honestly.  The worst part was the incision under my arm where Dr. B removed two lymph nodes, but still, not bad at all. Just a little tender and I couldn't move my arm much or lift anything heavier than 10 pounds for a few days.  I'm not complaining, though.  All in all, it was nothing. AND, I got warmed blankets.  Warmed blankets have become my favorite part of this journey. There's no way to describe the happiness I feel when a sweet nurse places a warm blanket over me.  It's heaven.

The worst part of this journey has just been waiting ... and not knowing what would happen ... or how I would feel.

Here's a pic of me just before I went into the OR.  Warning: this is NOT a fashion pic!!  See the sweet warm blanket?  Ah.  Feels so good.

Today, I saw Dr. B for my post-op visit.  He said I was healing beautifully and that he was ready to send me off to my oncologist, Dr. G.  He looked at my path report and said, "Knowing Dr. G, I'm fairly certain that he will recommend chemotherapy."  Oh, really?  That was news to me.  I thought radiation was all I had to do.  I didn't know at that time that Dr. B had received the path reports from the out-of-state labs and I was so confused that I forgot to ask for copies.  Don't forget to get copies of your path reports.  I had Dr. B's receptionist fax them to me the next day.  And THEN I knew why I would probably have chemo.  I knew why I had to keep reading information so I'd be prepared when I met with Dr. G.  Once again, unless you don't want to know anything specific about your breast cancer, research everything you can find about breast cancer and get copies of your path reports.  I'm a researcher at heart, so this part was especially important to me.  As I've said, though, take what you want and leave the rest!  It won't hurt my feelings if you leave it all.  Promise.

Ask, Ask, Ask!

June 15

Now this is important info, so listen up.  I'm serious.  I.M.P.O.R.T.A.N.T.

Get copies of every report of every procedure you have.  They're your reports and you need to have them and keep them.  No one had told me about genes such as Her2 Neu, estrogen and progesterone receptors , or Ki-67.  These are very important genes in your breast cancer.  If I hadn't done my research, I wouldn't have known about these genes BEFORE I saw my oncologist.  The path reports done locally told me a little about my tumor, but two national labs also did tests on my tumor and it took over two weeks to get those reports back.

So if you are newly diagnosed, do your research, but do it responsibly. There are many sites that are inaccurate or sites that have very old information. Do NOT read horror stories about breast cancer and/or its treatments.  If something on a site begins to report gloom and doom, back outta there pronto!  You do not need to read that stuff.  You can find my favorite website HERE.

Read up on Her2 neu and estrogene/progesterone receptors.  Your path reports about those important genes willl likely come from an out-of-state lab.  Ask your doctor to send you a copy as soon as s/he receives them.  You'll be so much better prepared to take part in you treatment regime.  End of lecture.  Take what you want and leave the rest!!

And NEVER take your adult son with you to an antique mall.  This is my son, Ryan, who thoroughly enjoyed the trip!!  He always makes me laugh.

I Love Dr. B!

June 2 - Part Two

These beautiful flowers came from good friends of mine who live in Wyoming.  All the way from Wyoming!  Well, not literally, but still ... love these sweet girls.

From the radiologist's back to outpatient for surgery.  Actually, this part was kinda fun.  There was a lot of laughter in the pre-op area.  Dr. B. has a very dry wit and he was cracking me UP.  I almost forgot where I was and what I was doing!  My anesthesiologist came in and introduced himself like this: "Hello, Mrs. E., I'm Patrick."  I've never, ever, ever had a physician introduce  him/herself by his/her first name.  I fell in love with him right on the spot.  He gave me a little shot in my IV, and before I got to the operating room, I was out like a light.  It was a beautiful, beautiful sleep.

Waiting for surgery ... my sister took this pic of me with my daughter.  She's about 7 months pregnant here with her second child, a boy, named Charlie.  I love his name.  And I adore her.  She's such a good mama to Sophia and I know she'll be amazing with Charlie, too.

Here I am walking to my pre-op prep room.  They gave me a little pink backpack and I put it right on.  My sister thought it would be a funny picture, and it really sorta is.  Sorta.

While I was in the recovery room, Dr. B told the "precious duo" (and my very good friend, Leigh Ann) that there was no lymph node involvement and that he got clear margins.  Oh, happy day!! We all thought I was home free ... a little radiation and I'd be good as new.

It took a few weeks to get the pathology report back so I waited ... and researched ... and waited ... and read some more about this ugly disease. I learned that there is much more to breast cancer than clear margins and negative lymph nodes.  A lot more.  A whole lot more. And now the waiting for the path reports became almost unbearable.

Why Was I SO Scared??

June 2 - Step One

I worked myself up for nothing.  In fact, I'm still embarrassed because I was so freaked about this day, but it was easy peasy.  Well, it started VERY early.  And that was the worst part of the day. 

After checking in at the hospital (outpatient), my "precious duo" and I went over to my radiologist's office.  Oh, man.  I can't even express how scared I was. The procedure for a "wire-guided lumpectomy," took place in a special room with a mammogram machine turned on its side ... kinda weird.  I sat in a chair and my breast was placed in the mammo machine and squeezed as usual so they could locate the tumor.  So far, so good.  I was happy to see my radiologist, Dr. D ... so beautiful and SO sweet.

Another needle in my breast for numbing ... didn't feel a thing!  Next came the scariest part ... a hollow needle was put in my breast and then a tiny wire pushed into that needle.  Dr. D. went back and forth from the mammo screen to the wire, making sure it was in the right place.  (During this she told me not to look down because I might faint if I saw the wire hanging out!)  After she knew the wire placement was correct, she cut the wire and taped it under my arm.  All done.  No pain.  Now my surgeon just had to follow the wire to find my tumor.  Cool, huh?  As yucky as the procedure sounds, I can promise that, for me, it was NO BIG DEAL. Just another day in paradise.  ha!

Scared Out of My Wits

June 1

Such a big blessing today ... my "precious duo" went with me again for another procedure.  Now this one had me shaking in my boots.  This procedure just sounded so awful.  On this day, I had two enormous shots filled with radioactive dye injected into my breast.  Oh, man.  I couldn't believe this was gonna happen to my poor little boobie!

The shots were a piece of cake.  A teeny, tiny pinch with each one and it was over.  Really.  Nothing.  The x-ray two hours later was painless as well. The reason for this procedure? ... during the lumpectomy, Dr. B would also remove two lymph nodes from under my arm and the dye helped him find the sentinel node, which is the first node to carry fluids (lymph) away from the breast.  A link that explains it beautifully is here.

Tomorrow morning is my surgery.  I'm freaking out about tomorrow and it's not necessarily about the surgery, although I dread it.  Oh, yes, I dread it horribly.  BEFORE surgery, though, I must return to my radiologist to have a tiny wire inserted into my breast, which will guide Dr. B to the cancer mass.  A wire inserted into MY breast? No need to say how I feel about that one.

Check back tomorrow and I'll tell you all about what happened.